SPECIFICS OF EFFECTIVE ISLAMIC PARENTING
1. For Islamic parenting to be most
effective there must be a truly Islamic society, so part of your responsibility
as Muslim parents is to help recreate a right Islamic world.
2. Parental love for their children is a
Mercy from Allah, not only in humans but even in animals.
3. In Islam the love of a parent for their
child is so taken for granted that it is not even thought necessary to state
this as a requirement for parents.
4. In Islam the main responsibility the
parent has to their child is to provide for their education (this is to be
understood in the broadest possible sense, including all things that assist the
child to become a good and right human being).
5. The Qur'an also places great
responsibility on the child in regard to their parents, requiring the child to
be kind to the parents, to help their parents in their old age, to never speak
to their parents with contempt, to never reject their parents, to honour their
parents, and to fulfil all these responsibilities with humility.
6. Every child should be taught from their
earliest years about their responsibility as a vicegerent(khalifah) of Allah;
that it is their duty as vicegerent to transform themselves into Muslims living
in true submission to the Will of Allah, that it is their duty to transform all
of human society into an Islamic society living in true submission to the Will
of Allah, and that it their duty to transform the physical world of space and
time into a garden paradise for Allah.
7. Raise your child to be a courageous
Muslim, willing to struggle against evil in the greater and lesser jihad, as
this will be necessary to create a right Islamic world for the future.
8. Raise your child to fully believe they
will successfully create and live in a truly Islamic world, because belief is
critical to successfully achieving any goal.
9. Anything that you believe will happen is
more likely to happen because you will find ways (both consciously and
unconsciously) to make sure it happens, and anything that you don't believe
will happen is less likely to happen because you will find ways to make sure it
doesn't happen; this fact is known as the 'self-fulfilling prophesy'.
10. The parent should never let their love
for their child prevent them from doing what is right for their child (for
example neglecting to correct the child when he/she does wrong).
11. If there is a conflict of interests, the
requirements of Islam have priority over the desires of the child (for example,
if the child would rather play than pray).
12. Teach your child to love Allah, The
Prophet, Islam, and Islamic values.
13. Teach your child to see all things and
understand all things from the perspective of Islam.
14. In Islam if it becomes necessary to
correct your child for some wrongdoing this must be done according to a certain
hierarchy: first, explain to your child in a gentle way how they have
overstepped some limit from rightness into wrong; second, if the gentle
instruction does not result in the child correcting that wrong behaviour, you
should indicate your disapproval of that wrong behaviour by withdrawing your
favour (for example, do not give smiles, hugs or kind words to your child at
such times); and third, only as a last resort, your child can be physically
punished (beaten) if they do not correct the wrong behaviour.
15. In Islam if it becomes necessary for you
to beat your child there are specific rules and limitations: you may not hit
your child on the face or stomach, you may not hit your child more than a
maximum of three times, and you may not hit your child hard enough to leave a
cut or bruise on the skin.
16. You should never hit your child when you
are angry, not only are you then more likely to become excessive in your
punishment but doing so will teach
your
child that it is right to hit people when they are angry.
17. It is important to realize that if you
reach a point where you feel it is necessary to beat your child then something
has gone badly wrong, and you previously have not done all you could have done
to avoid this becoming necessary.
18. It is a fact of learning that you cannot
punish a child without harming him/her, so punishment can only become necessary
if you have no positive alternative, and the good that comes from being
punished will outweigh the harm you do to your child.
19. Remember, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be
upon him) never once hit a child, a woman or a servant.
20. Do not argue with your child, as there
is almost never any benefit in doing so.
21. Although your child might well choose to
pray at a younger age, at seven years of age your child should be required to
pray through gentle encouragement; and, at ten years of age your child can be
beaten for not praying, although this circumstance should never arise with
correct Islamic parenting.
22. Your child should be taught to memorize
the Qur'an, the benefits are many and much wider in scope than is often
believed in these modern times.
23. At every age there must be appropriate
rights given to your child and necessary limits set upon your child's
behaviour, which will allow your child to fully explore their human potential
while not causing harm to themselves, harm to others or damage to their
surroundings.
24. If you see your child doing something
wrong it is usually not even necessary to mention the thing that is wrong,
instead, it is often sufficient (and always more desirable) only to say how
much you like the right thing which is the opposite of the wrong being done.
25. You should not expose your child's
failings or wrongdoings in front of others, if this must be done it is best if
it be done privately.
26. Don't give much attention to the bad or
wrong things your child does and says, but give lots of attention to the good
or right things your child does and says.
27. You should, of course, always love your
child unconditionally, but you should only express that love at times which are
most beneficial to your child.
28. You should at all times be a model of a
good and right human being (Muslim) for your child.
bismillaahir rahmaanir rahiim
EFFECTIVE ISLAMIC PARENTING
(Read each morning!!!)
1. I am raising my child to be a successful
vicegerent (khalifah) of Allah, who will help create a truly Islamic World.
2. Today I will try my best to know and
understand all the influences upon my child's development.
3. Today I will try my best to help my
child understand the power of negative influences to take him/her away from
Allah, and the power of positive influences to take him/her to Allah.
4. Today I will try my best to shield my
child from the power of the negative influences to take him/her away from
Allah.
5. Today I will try my best to enhance
(increase) the power of the positive influences upon my child to take him/her
toward Allah.
6. Today I will try my best to notice some
positive things my child does or says, and tell him/her how much those things
are appreciated by me and by Allah.
7. Today I will try my best to say nothing
negative to my child. Even if I have to correct my child's wrong behaviour I
will try my best to find some positive way to do so.
8. Today I will love my child
unconditionally, but I will try my best to express that love at times which are
most beneficial to my child.
9. Today I will try my best to be an
example of a good and right human being (Muslim) for my child.
Today I will pray for Allah's help that I can be a
good parent for my child.
