Sunday, April 21, 2013
Wonder Readers from Wonderful Years Kindergarten
By Mimi Say
One of our reading programme is to enrich children's vocabulary in three languages. Yes, amazing isn't it. Malaysian children are multi-lingual. A Chinese can converse and read in Mandarin, English and Malay (national language). Hence the need to expose children and immerse them in these three languages.
Here's the result of the right brain and left brain stimulation programme.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
10 Things to do instead of yelling
BY: ALICIA BAYER
- Take a deep breath. If you're going to react, breathe first and think of what you're going to do or say. Nine times out of ten, just that breath will help you react in a better way.
- Put on your granny glasses. Pretend you're many years older, looking back at the scene from years in the future. Will any part of you miss the mayhem? Will this scene not seem so catastrophic? Would you regret yelling or acting ugly in this moment later?
- Play grandma for real. Take it a step further and think of how you'd react if these were your grandchildren instead of your children. What would a good grandma do? Chances are, you'd use a mix of wisdom, understanding, love and humor (and let a little more slide).
Please visit Alicia Bayer's site for further reading and guidance. Thank you.
Yelling is not an effective teaching practice in preschool
by DEBORAH J.
STEWART, M.ED. on NOVEMBER 15, 2010
Whether you call it yelling, hollering, or raising your voice –
the reality is, yelling, hollering, or raising your voice to get the attention
of your students is not an effective teaching practice.
Yelling makes you grumpy.
Yelling makes you tired.
Yelling increases your stress.
Yelling makes you tired.
Yelling increases your stress.
Yelling makes your
students grumpy.
Yelling makes your students tired.
Yelling increases your student’s stress.
Yelling makes your students tired.
Yelling increases your student’s stress.
When you raise your voice
often, the kids learn to tune it out.
Yelling models poor communication skills.
Yelling is disrespectful, intimidating, unprofessional, and hurtful.
Yelling models poor communication skills.
Yelling is disrespectful, intimidating, unprofessional, and hurtful.
The moral of this story is….
If what you have to say is
important enough to hear…
Then find a way to say it so the
kids will want to listen!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Chinese New Year at Wonderful Years
Children loves celebrations. Whether it's a birthday, New Year, or parties, they look forward to them. They enjoy the fun with their friends. We are indeed lucky to live in a country of rich and vibrant festivals.
The Malays celebrate their Muslim festivals such as Aidil Fitri and Aidil Adha.
The Chinese celebrate Chinese New Year and Chap Goh Mei.
The Hindus celebrate Deepavali and Thaipusam. While in East Malaysia, the
grandest celebration is Tadau Keamatan in Sabah, and Gawai Dayak in Sarawak.Hence the need to introduce our young ones to all the hearts and souls of Malaysia.
At Wonderful Years we expose our children to the above by having special parties to observe Chinese New Year, Deepavali, Aidil Fitri, Teacher's Day
and National Day,
Children love these parties. They have fun with their peers and indirectly exposed to all other races' cultures. During our Chinese New Year celebration they learn about the origin of Chinese New Year and the do's and don't's. They sang the festival song and played games that are related to the theme. The Malays and Indians children are not left out by taking part in Chinese calligraphy writing, colouring, traditional costume, tangerine peeling and eating competition.
Children had a great time savouring food prepared by us and foods brought by other parents. They enjoyed the games and most of all the Hong Bao (Red packet containing money) provided by the Wonderful Years. They ended the celebration with wide smiles on they faces before heading home.
By Mimi Say
Sunday, March 3, 2013
FUN WATER DAY
By Mimi say
So much stress has to be shouldered by children of this millennium. They need to fulfil parents' high expectation, their own goals and peer pressure. Please give them a break once in a while. Let them enjoy what childhood is like. They don't need structured play all the time. Allow them to explore the environment and to play with their friends without expecting anything in return.
So much stress has to be shouldered by children of this millennium. They need to fulfil parents' high expectation, their own goals and peer pressure. Please give them a break once in a while. Let them enjoy what childhood is like. They don't need structured play all the time. Allow them to explore the environment and to play with their friends without expecting anything in return.
ADHD, LDs, ODD? How to Stop Doing Too Much for Your Special Needs Kid
“If I didn’t put his homework in his folder, put the folder in his backpack and ask the teacher to get him to take it out, he would never turn in any homework,” says a mother of a son with ADHD.
“I have to sit right with her to get her to do her homework. It takes hours and by the time it’s over we can barely stand each other,” says a father of a teen with learning disabilities.
The shadow side of helping too much becomes more apparent in the middle and high school years, and often becomes an even bigger problem in college and into adulthood.
If you are nodding, crying or smiling, you know this role. These parents are literally stepping into their child’s brain and performing the executive functioning skills their son or daughter struggles to do on their own.
It all starts out of clear and defined need; young children need adults to teach them how to plan, prioritize, and manage time and multi-step projects or actions. Toddlers know that they put on their pajamas and brush their teeth before they get in bed. Preschools are set up for young minds who have short attention spans and can only hold a couple of behavioral rules at a time (walk, don’t run, hands to ourselves, indoor voices). As they move into elementary school the expectations also rise. Children are expected to remember more rules for different settings (what you can do on the playground is different than what you can do during math time) as well as follow multi-step direction, control their impulsivity and one of the big ones—completing work tasks on time and correctly. And at home, they are expected to start participating in household chores, and get themselves ready to go to school.
Parents intuitively know that they need to put breakables up high when their baby starts crawling. They know they need to block the stairs and keep the back door shut. Without consciously thinking about it, parents masterfully step into the role of their child’s brain, specifically the frontal lobe which houses the executive skills functions. Most of the time, this process naturally and gently moves from the parent’s domain to the child’s. It’s what kids are supposed to do. They start insisting they will “do it myself” thereby giving parents a clear signal it’s time to back-off and let them learn to do it themselves.
But what about the children whose brain is wired differently? Kids whose frontal lobe functions are immature and underdeveloped such as in a child who has ADHD or ADD, an autism spectrum disorder, mental health issues, or medical issues? Those children need external help to stay functional, keep their room clean, track their belongings, get along with siblings, deal with changes in routine, get ready to go to school and complete homework. And guess who gets that job?
Parents can’t wait, teach and process for everything their child needs executive functioning support for, so they take over as much as they can –for everyone’s sanity. Unfortunately this life-saving method will become a habit and that’s when it can become dysfunctional. When children are young, it usually doesn’t look like anything but attentive parenting. The shadow side of helping too much becomes more apparent in the middle and high school years and often becomes an even bigger problem in college and into adulthood. Outside demands keep increasing; teachers expect students to be able to juggle multiple classes and assignments and have a basic handle on organization, time awareness, ability to prioritize and the perseverance to get the work and activities completed. At the same time, adult support decreases and students are left on their own to make it all work. Changing habits is hard work and the first step is seeing what needs to be changed.
How do you know if you are “doing too much”?
- You automatically pack up for your child before school or practice or a trip.
- You speak before you think - such as giving them a reminder they need to start on homework or unload the dishwasher or any daily task without waiting to see if they can do it on their own.
- You constantly come to the rescue and run to school to bring the lunchbox or homework or soccer shoes left behind.
Parents don’t want to see their beloved children struggle, make mistakes or fail. But the time comes when parents must step back, look at the habits they have created and use their own executive functioning skills to make a new plan - one that will help their son or daughter train their own brain.
Here's a scenariou that might sound familiar: Sara started to see that her own behavior was interfering with her 10-year-old son Dylan’s development when her sister Jennie visited and watched Sara do all the thinking and planning for both Dylan and herself. Sara was running around the house getting packed for a ski day and that included getting all of Dylan’s stuff, too. He played video games while she was organizing.
“Why are you getting everyone’s stuff?” her sister Jennie asked.
“I have to. Dylan would forget something like his gloves and that would ruin things for all of us,” Sara quickly replied.
“But why do you have to do it?” her sister pushed. “Can’t you give him a checklist or make a video of what he needs or just ask him to get one thing at a time? You don’t actually have to do this for him. How will he ever learn to do it himself?”
Sara stopped, ski pants draped over her arm. She knew that Jennie was right but she had no idea how to go from doing all her son's planning to teach him to do it himself. She had made it so easy for Dylan; he didn’t even try to help. He got the message that he ‘couldn’t’ do it right so he didn’t need to do it at all.
Jennie, being the observer, could see that this dynamic wasn’t good for anyone, especially Dylan. She also knew that parents can’t go from doing it all to doing nothing. That was a set-up for failure.
And though she had some good suggestions, both Sara and Dylan needed to take a step back in order for Dylan to know how to get from where he was to where he wanted and needed to be.
They needed to do 3 things to get him on the path to organizing himself.
- Start at the end. That means that in order to use a checklist, Dylan needed to know what it would look like when he was ready to ski. He needed a picture of what ‘ready’ looked like. Parents can literally take a photo of what ready for school, ready to ski, ready to play baseball looks like (take a picture when he is ready and use that as his reference). Then you can ask him, what do you need to get or do to get to the end point?
Tip: Before starting to pack, stop and ask Dylan to imagine himself at noon in the slopes, what will he look like, be wearing, etc. - Estimating time. Just because a child can tell you what time it is does not mean they understand how long 15 minutes feels like. Practice time sense in small ways by first estimating how long Dylan thinks it will take to get ready to ski. Let’s say he says 15 minutes. Set a timer for 5, 10 and 15 minutes. Use each checkpoint to see how far along he is as a method of feedback and encouragement, not to show him how inept he is at using his time.
Tip: Make sure you have an analog wall clock where you can see the minutes actually move. - Organize by category. Checklists don’t usually work for people with executive functioning deficits. They don’t make any sense. Instead of a list, try organizing by category and use pictures to provide visual prompts. For instance, Dylan can pack for baseball practice by using three categories—equipment, clothing and snacks. He can take a picture what is needed in each category and then put it into his ‘baseball’ bag.
Tip: Put the picture on a luggage tag attached to the bag.
It is never too late to change the terms of engagement with your child or teen. It is natural to do less as children grow. Even kids who seem lazy and unmotivated can change when parents change their role in the relationship. When adults can give their children real, practical tools along with a clear and voiced belief that the child can learn, everyone benefits. Today, Dylan packed up his ski gear; tomorrow, he will learn what he needs to be ready for school, without Sara doing it for him. Then they can celebrate together.
Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/how-to-stop-doing-too-much-for-your-special-needs-kid.php#ixzz2MWxPj3SB
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Kids and Sexuality
By Brenna Hicks, LMHC
I find it interesting that this is a topic that comes up so frequently. Several years ago, I led parenting workshops at some of the local libraries. After the four to six months of my topics, the children’s program director took suggestions for new topics. Many of the recommendations were related to sexuality in some manner, including puberty, what is normal development, etc. I also have been inundated with questions lately about children discussing or talking about seemingly sexual behaviors.
I suppose I should not be surprised, as our society is becoming more and more sexualized, therefore exposing children to sex at an earlier age. However, even in the most protective of homes where children have been shielded from sexual innuendo and experiences, kids will still do or say things that can seem pretty alarming. The most common concern typically revolves around what is normal behavior regarding burgeoning sexual interest and understanding, including behaviors. So, here are the basics of what is normal and what to expect as your child grows.
Curiosity:
Around the age of three, children begin to express interest in sexuality. It may be in the form of questions (“Where do babies come from?”) or behavior (exploring their genitals more frequently). You may observe that a simple answer will satisfy them or their own exploration will be enough. Some children will require more detailed explanations or continue to pursue self-discovery. Masturbation is also normal, especially when tired or upset. As long as this behavior is not obsessive (rubbing genitals on chairs, people, etc.), it is part of the sexual development process.
Around the age of three, children begin to express interest in sexuality. It may be in the form of questions (“Where do babies come from?”) or behavior (exploring their genitals more frequently). You may observe that a simple answer will satisfy them or their own exploration will be enough. Some children will require more detailed explanations or continue to pursue self-discovery. Masturbation is also normal, especially when tired or upset. As long as this behavior is not obsessive (rubbing genitals on chairs, people, etc.), it is part of the sexual development process.
Change in Play:
You will probably notice your children becoming more interested in playing sexually based roles in play from three to four years of age (Mommy or Daddy), rather than gender-neutral roles. This is due to their understanding that men and women are different, look and act differently, and serve different functions. It is also normal for kids to begin to play doctor around this time, while sometimes exposing themselves or asking others to expose themselves to do a “check up”. This is also normal, but should be handled delicately if one or more parent becomes concerned. You can safeguard against play getting out of hand by staying close to your children and not allowing more than a two year age difference in a child of the opposite sex. (A four year old girl can play with a boy ranging from two to six).
You will probably notice your children becoming more interested in playing sexually based roles in play from three to four years of age (Mommy or Daddy), rather than gender-neutral roles. This is due to their understanding that men and women are different, look and act differently, and serve different functions. It is also normal for kids to begin to play doctor around this time, while sometimes exposing themselves or asking others to expose themselves to do a “check up”. This is also normal, but should be handled delicately if one or more parent becomes concerned. You can safeguard against play getting out of hand by staying close to your children and not allowing more than a two year age difference in a child of the opposite sex. (A four year old girl can play with a boy ranging from two to six).
Modesty:
Around age four, children begin to understand that there is a difference between public and private behavior. This is especially important while using the bathroom, changing or bathing. They learn that while it is okay to be naked with certain people, it is not okay to be naked with others. Their sense of modesty and understanding of what is acceptable increases.
Around age four, children begin to understand that there is a difference between public and private behavior. This is especially important while using the bathroom, changing or bathing. They learn that while it is okay to be naked with certain people, it is not okay to be naked with others. Their sense of modesty and understanding of what is acceptable increases.
Outside Influence:
Around the age of five (and up to seven), children are typically given a bit more freedom in their play. Parents are not as concerned that they must be supervised at all times, and are more lax about who they can play with. This, of course, brings in outside influence and new ideas about sex. Every child has been told or seen certain things about sexual behaviors, and kids love to share their knowledge. So, when your child comes home and tells you that Susie showed him her underwear, you need to recognize that Susie may have been acting in conjunction with her experiences that underwear is not a private article of clothing.
Around the age of five (and up to seven), children are typically given a bit more freedom in their play. Parents are not as concerned that they must be supervised at all times, and are more lax about who they can play with. This, of course, brings in outside influence and new ideas about sex. Every child has been told or seen certain things about sexual behaviors, and kids love to share their knowledge. So, when your child comes home and tells you that Susie showed him her underwear, you need to recognize that Susie may have been acting in conjunction with her experiences that underwear is not a private article of clothing.
Reluctance to Share:
Between the ages of five and seven, kids become more unlikely to feel comfortable talking to you about sexual ideas and questions. They learn that it is sometimes embarrassing or awkward, and begin to feel more ashamed of experiences and thoughts regarding sexuality. Unfortunately, they will still be receiving information from their peers, that may or may not be what you want them to know.
Between the ages of five and seven, kids become more unlikely to feel comfortable talking to you about sexual ideas and questions. They learn that it is sometimes embarrassing or awkward, and begin to feel more ashamed of experiences and thoughts regarding sexuality. Unfortunately, they will still be receiving information from their peers, that may or may not be what you want them to know.
Sexual Language:
Around the age of seven, children begin to move away from the elimination talk (pee, poop, potties, etc.), and move into more sexually based lingo. This is also a normal part of testing what is appropriate and what should not be said in public. Remember that often these types of words are spoken solely to test how you, the parent, will respond. Keep your reaction calm and neutral, reminding them that those words are not to be used around other people. Encourage them to use those words to ask you any questions that they wish in your home.
Around the age of seven, children begin to move away from the elimination talk (pee, poop, potties, etc.), and move into more sexually based lingo. This is also a normal part of testing what is appropriate and what should not be said in public. Remember that often these types of words are spoken solely to test how you, the parent, will respond. Keep your reaction calm and neutral, reminding them that those words are not to be used around other people. Encourage them to use those words to ask you any questions that they wish in your home.
Ooops!:
Once your child has already seen, heard or experienced something you wish you could have protected them from (XXX websites at a friend’s house, an exposure from a neighbor, a classmate’s too personal of touch), safeguard against panicking or making a big deal out of it. Remember that you are operating from experience with sexual implications, your child is not. He or she has no emotional connection to the experience, apart from what they thought or felt in the moment. There is no bigger understanding of breasts, vaginas or penises being sexual elements of the body. Children are able to take an experience for what it is worth, and can be told that it should not happen again without being made to feel that something happened that was “wrong”.
Once your child has already seen, heard or experienced something you wish you could have protected them from (XXX websites at a friend’s house, an exposure from a neighbor, a classmate’s too personal of touch), safeguard against panicking or making a big deal out of it. Remember that you are operating from experience with sexual implications, your child is not. He or she has no emotional connection to the experience, apart from what they thought or felt in the moment. There is no bigger understanding of breasts, vaginas or penises being sexual elements of the body. Children are able to take an experience for what it is worth, and can be told that it should not happen again without being made to feel that something happened that was “wrong”.
Apart from what is normal for kids, there are a few things on which experts agree regarding how to handle sexuality in kids.
First,
remain open to any questions at any age, even if you think it is too early for them to be asking. Answer the question simply and in terms that kids can understand. Be an “askable” parent.
Second,
do not shy away from sexual body parts or try to change the subject when topics come up. If you teach your children the names of body parts, include genitals. Kids know they exist, so they should know what to call them. Be a “teaching” parent.
Finally,
keep in mind that if you choose not to discuss sexuality with your children, they will learn it from somewhere else. In that scenario, you have much more to worry about than how you phrase your response to “How does a baby come out of it’s Mommy’s belly?”. Be a “proactive” parent.
First,
remain open to any questions at any age, even if you think it is too early for them to be asking. Answer the question simply and in terms that kids can understand. Be an “askable” parent.
Second,
do not shy away from sexual body parts or try to change the subject when topics come up. If you teach your children the names of body parts, include genitals. Kids know they exist, so they should know what to call them. Be a “teaching” parent.
Finally,
keep in mind that if you choose not to discuss sexuality with your children, they will learn it from somewhere else. In that scenario, you have much more to worry about than how you phrase your response to “How does a baby come out of it’s Mommy’s belly?”. Be a “proactive” parent.
As an aside – make sure you discuss openly and frequently that only Mom, Dad and the doctor are allowed to touch your child in his or her private areas. Teach them to say no, and to leave any situation that they know does not feel right. Play with other children is one thing, molestation is another.
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