The Importance of Teacher-Child Relationships in Head Start

An Office of the Administration for Children and Families Early Childhood Learning & Knowledge Center (ECLKC)

Overview Providing experiences that allow children to become autonomous and independent is a general description of one of the key roles adults play in the early childhood years. The quality of teacher-child interactions and relationships impacts child outcomes in various ways in early childhood and the primary grades. Positive teacher-child relationships may serve as "buffers" or protective factors for children.2,3,4 For example, positive, caring and supportive adult relationships (e.g. parent, mentor or others) have been associated with children being able to defy the odds of living in poverty.5,6 Positive teacher-child relationships have been linked to many positive child outcomes in the early school years such as being involved in school and low levels of aggression.7,8 For primary age children, negative teacher-child relationships have been associated with lower scores on standardized tests, language arts and math grades, less school engagement, increased classroom misbehavior, high levels of aggression and social withdrawal.4,9,10 The complex developmental tasks of relationship building, self-confidence and self-regulation are best accomplished during the preschool years. Building social skills and healthy emotional relationships in young children is much easier than trying to remediate later adjustment problems. The current knowledge base about child development and learning reinforces practices and approaches that integrate cognitive learning and social development. These include: Close teacher-child relationships and quality classroom practices are related to higher social skills of preschoolers.11,12 Researchers have found that teachers who provided positive communication, warm affection and opportunities for children to be in charge, tended to have students with high levels of social skills such as completing work, tolerating frustration, and interacting with peers.13 Close teacher-child relationships in preschool and kindergarten have also been found to predict lower symptoms of anxiety, depression and social withdrawal in first grade.1 High conflict teacher-child relationships in kindergarten and first grade have also been linked with lower social skills in the areas of responsibility, cooperation, self-control and assertion in first grade.1 Preschoolers who have close relationships with teachers tend to know more letters, have higher math scores and advanced language and literacy skills while in preschool.11 Researchers have also found that close teacher-child relationships and quality classroom practices are related to better language and cognitive skills among preschoolers.12 Children who had close teacher-child relationships in preschool and a structured and disciplined environment at home had higher reading skills than children whose parents were not as firm.3 Close teacher-child relationships were related to better receptive language for all children, but this was even stronger for children of color than for white children. Further, the connection between positive teacher-child relationships and children’s language was even stronger for preschool children than early elementary school children.3 What programs can do to help build positive teacher-child relationships The early years (birth through five years of age) represent a crucial stage of development when adult-child relationships can have a significant impact on emerging social, behavioral, and readiness skills. Most importantly, children learn better when they feel emotionally secure and close in their relationships with caring adults, including teachers.14 To improve interactions and foster the development of positive relationships, directors and education managers can: Create a warm, nurturing, welcoming physical environment that fosters the development of trusting relationships15 Understand that trust is foundational to positive interactions and the development of relationships15 Establish a working environment that reflects respect for individual teachers and children Model communication that is direct, supportive, and respectful of parents, teachers, and children Re-visit the Head Start Child Outcomes Framework and emphasize practices and approaches that integrate cognitive learning and social development Promote the understanding that social competence is culturally determined Identify strategies that accommodate and support culture and language backgrounds of staff, families and children Understand that meaningful relationships require content Practitioners can: Provide learning environments that are positive, sensitive, responsive and include frequent individualized interactions Structure the physical environment, equipment and materials in ways that promote quality social interactions among children, parents and teachers Implement an engaging curriculum that includes opportunities for each child to participate Respect and validate children’s cultural and language backgrounds Plan and implement experiences that are of interest to children and include content that promotes and sustains the development of positive child-child and adult-child relationships Provide classroom routines that are consistent and predictable Use effective well-timed transitions that include warnings about transitions that preview what is going to happen next, and communicate clearly what is expected of children Provide positive attention that encourages each child Find ways to validate how children are feeling and what they are experiencing Be actively engaged in learning new things with children Identify ways to reinforce children’s positive behaviors and learning Maintain high expectations related to children’s behavior and learning across all developmental domains identified within the Head Start Child Outcomes Framework and state and local curriculum standards Endnotes Pianta RC, Stuhlman MW. Teacher-Child Relationships and Children's Success in the First Years of School. School Psychology Review 2004;33(3):444-458. [back]  Pianta RC. Manual and Scoring Guide for the Student-Teacher Relationship Scale. Charlottesville: University of Virginia; 1996. [back]  Burchinal MR, Peisner-Feinberg E, Pianta R, Howes C. Development of Academic Skills from Preschool Through Second Grade: Family and Classroom Predictors of Developmental Trajectories. Journal of School Psychology 2002;40(5):415-436. [back]  Hamre BK, Pianta RC. Early Teacher-Child Relationships and the Trajectory of Children's School Outcomes through Eighth Grade. Child Development 2001;72(2):625-638. [back]  Werner EE. Risk and Resilience in Individuals with Learning Disabilities: Lessons Learned from the Kaui Longitudinal Study. Learning Disabilities Research and Practice 1993;8(1):28-34. [back]  Werner EE, Smith RS. Overcoming the Odds: High Risk Children from Birth to Adulthood: Cornell University Press; 1992. [back]  Meehan BT, Hughes JN, Cavell TA. Teacher-Student Relationships as Compensatory Resources for Aggressive Children. Child Development 2003;74(4):1145-1157. [back]  Murray C, Waas GA, Murray KM. Child Race and Gender as Moderators of the Association Between Teacher-Child Relationships and School Adjustment. Psychology in the Schools 2008;45(6):562-578.[back]  Ladd GW, Birch SH, Buhs ES. Children's Social and Scholastic Lives in Kindergarten: Related Spheres of Influence? Child Development 1999;70(6):1373-1400. [back]  Howes C, Hamilton CE, Matheson CC. Children's Relationships with Peers: Differential Associations with Aspects of the Teacher-Child Relationship. Child Development 1994;65(1):253-264. [back]  Howes C, Burchinal M, Pianta R, Bryant D, Early D, Clifford R, Barbarin O. Ready to learn? Children's Pre-Academic Achievement in Pre-Kindergarten Programs. Early Childhood Research Quarterly 2008;23:27-50.[back]  Peisner-Feinberg ES, Burchinal MR. Relations Between Preschool Children's Child-Care Experiences and Concurrent Development: The Cost Quality, and Outcomes Study. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly 1997;32(1):451-477. [back]  Brophy-Herb HE, Lee RE, Nievar MA, Stollak G. Preschoolers' Social Competence: Relations to Family Characteristics, Teacher Behaviors and Classroom Climate. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology 2007;28:134-148. [back]  Pianta RC. Enhancing Relationships Between Children and Teachers. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1999. [back]  Howes C, Ritchie S. A Matter of Trust: Connecting Teachers and Learners in the Early Childhood Classroom. New York, NY: Teachers College Press; 2002. [back] See also:      The Importance of Teacher-Child Relationships in Head Start (ACF-IM-HS-08-21) See PDF version:      The Importance of Teacher-Child Relationships in Head Start [PDF, 89KB] [Attachment for Information Memorandum] The Importance of Teacher-Child Relationships in Head Start. ACF-IM-HS-08-21. HHS/ACF/OHS. 2008. English.

Why Children Need Play

By  Deborah J. Leong PhD, Elena Bodrova PhD

• Grades: PreK–K

With increasing emphasis at school on developing academic skills in children at younger and younger ages, what role does dramatic (“pretend”) play have in early childhood? 

Is the idea of play merely a throwback to another time when we did not have as much information about how children learn to read and acquire math skills? Is play a luxury? Is it worth it to sacrifice playtime in order to make sure that children learn the letters of the alphabet and know how to count, especially those “at risk?” In any case, don't children already play enough at home?

There is a growing body of research that shows a link between play and the development of cognitive and social skills that are prerequisites for learning more complex concepts as children get older. For example, play is linked to growth in memory, self-regulation, oral language, and recognizing symbols. It has been linked to higher levels of school adjustment and increased social development. Play has also been linked to increased literacy skills and other areas of academic learning (a view held by Piagetian and Vygotskian theories of child development).

Play is especially beneficial to children's learning when it reaches a certain degree of sophistication. In other words, “unproductive” play happens not only when children fight and argue over who is going to be the “mommy” and who is going to be the “baby,” but also when the child who is “mommy” keeps performing the same routines with her “baby” day after day with no change. By contrast, play that has a potential for fostering many areas of young children's development, including social and cognitive development, has the following characteristics:

1) Children create a pretend scenario by negotiating and talking to peers and use props in a symbolic way; and 2) Children create specific roles-and rules-for pretend behavior and adopt multiple themes and multiple roles.

When children engage in this kind of play for most of their early years, they learn to delay gratification and to prioritize their goals and actions. They also learn to consider the perspectives and needs of other people. They learn to represent things symbolically and to regulate their behaviors and act in a deliberate, intentional way.

Most primary school teachers would probably agree that they don't expect kindergartners to enter first grade with a complete mastery of spelling or addition. After all, it is in the early elementary grades when children learn these academic competencies. However, teachers of entering school-agers do hope that the children who come into their classrooms can concentrate, pay attention, and be considerate of others. These areas are developed not by using flashcards or computer programs, but through interacting with peers during play.

Today, many children do not have enough play opportunities at home because of TV, videos, and the computer. They interact with toys that are not conducive to building imagination and interesting dramatic play themes. In many instances, pretend play with siblings and neighborhood children is not available. There are more adult-organized and directed activities than in the past. They tend to be in groups of children of the same age rather than in mixed-age groups, which would include older children who could act as “play mentors.”

Early childhood classrooms provide a unique setting to foster the kind of dramatic play that will lead to cognitive and social maturity. There are other children to play with, a setting that can be organized to accomodate imaginative play, and adults who can encourage the play, guiding children to play effectively with each other. Indeed, this is the cornerstone for all learning, and we need to stand firm in our support of play.

How can you keep your toddler from biting?

My two-year-old son has a problem with biting. We've tried all the recommended techniques; saying in a loud voice, "Don't bite," showing him the mark and then giving him a time out. It has gotten to the point where day care is asking us to take him out of school. Would you recommend counseling, or another course of action?

BY: IVILLAGE

Question:

Biting is one of the most challenging behaviors that toddlers exhibit. Knowing some of the reasons a child bites can enable us figure out how to help our toddlers learn more positive behaviors. Although not all toddlers bite, biting is a normal behavior for two-year-old children. At this stage in their development, children are eager to communicate, but have few words, are full of strong feelings that need to be expressed, are victims of sore gums and are curious about how their actions can make things happen in the world around them.

Furthermore, toddlers have not fully established themselves as separate beings from the people around them. They still believe that whatever they feel, other people feel, also. Because biting feels good to them, it makes sense to toddlers that it should feel good to the other person, as well.

Toddlers' fascination with emotions lead them to research what causes certain feelings, what they look like in other people's eyes and what makes emotions change. They need to test these things again and again to find out if it works the same way every time. "If I bite Devin and he cries, will it work the same way if I bite Olivia?"

While it is important that we acknowledge and understand the ideas children are trying to express through biting, it is equally important that we stop biting from happening. Here are some suggestions:

• Observe to find out when biting is likely to happen. If we watch the instances in which a child is likely to bite, we can gain understanding about the causes of biting and the situations to watch for in the future. Children may bite because they are tired, because they feel crowded, because they want to say "hi" to another child, because they don't want a toy taken away from them, because they are teething, because they are looking for a reaction from another child or an adult, or because they are having feelings they don't know how to express.
• Provide close supervision and prevent biting whenever possible. If you know that your child or a child in your care might bite in certain situations, it is important to stay close enough to that child to prevent whatever bites you can. You can gently cup your hand around a mouth that is preparing itself for a bite and say, "I won't let you bite Ricky, biting hurts him."
• Support your child's childcare program. Since some of your son's biting is happening in child care, you will need to work with the child care staff on coming up with strategies. Often, in child care if there is a child who is biting regularly, the program will designate a teacher to "shadow" the child, staying close enough to keep all the children safe. This can be a stretch for many, already small teaching staffs. Parents may be able to support the program by volunteering to help in the classroom or office for a time to allow a teacher to offer special attention to the biting situation. Parents and caregivers working together for a solution can provide the extra resources needed to get through this difficult, though normal, developmental behavior.
• Offer children information. Children don't automatically know that biting hurts. Telling them that biting hurts, and allowing them to observe the bite mark and the crying friend will help them learn, over time, that biting is hurtful to others.
• Provide redirection and alternatives. Toddlers are like two-ton trucks. When they get going with an idea, it can be hard to stop them. Our best strategy is to redirect their energy. We can do this by providing alternate things to bite. "You can bite this plastic hand, but I can't let you bite people." "I'll tie this piece of terry cloth to your overalls. You can bite it when you feel like biting."
  You can also provide the child with other tools to express what he is trying to say. "If you want to say, 'Hi' to Jesse, you can wave your hand at him." "If you don't want Terry to take your truck, you can hold on tight and say, 'Mine.'"
• Avoid shaming. Often in our frustration we find ourselves shaming or blaming children who are biting. It is more helpful to children if we keep focused on the fact that they are good kids making mistakes, rather than that they are "bad" kids.
• Offer children a chance to help. If we send the "biting" child away from the scene of the accident without giving him a chance to help, we are missing an opportunity to teach him that when you make mistakes, you can also help to rectify them. We may be tempted to require children to say they are sorry, but more effective than a rote response, is asking children if they could do something to help Mary feel better. Children can bring ice, a cold cloth, a special blanket or a kiss to the injured spot, if the injured child is receptive.
• Stay calm, firm and clear. Biting can scare adults, even more than it does children. Children readily pick up on our panic, allowing situations to escalate, if adults are yelling, hurting or scaring children. Working to stay calm can help children relax enough to learn from the situation.
• Give it time and get help if necessary. Despite our best efforts, biting doesn't always disappear immediately. Some children bite one or two times and never try it again. Others may bite on and off for a few months. If you feel like your child's biting is not just developmental in nature, but is connected to some other emotional issue he is dealing with, it might be useful to get some counseling. Sometimes counseling directly with children is helpful, but often, counseling for parents can help them work through issues and offer tools for them to help their child. Outside resource people can also support the child care staff can be effective in helping them come up with problem-solving strategies.

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First Week at Wonderful Years

By Mimi Say

First week of schooling spells TRAUMA for preschooler. Children have landed in an'alien' environment with strangers speaking a language alien to them. The biggest challenge to them and to us, is being separated from their closest person to them: their MOTHER!

Their separation anxiety causes STRESS to parents and teachers. One mum called me 6 times to check on her 3-year-old daughter who has never been separated from her. One 4-year-old just refuses to enter his class and only wants to be with me in my office. He follows me where ever I go. One needs her 'blankie' while missing her mum who needs to attend to others' children (her mum is a primary school teacher). One 3-year-old will scream the loudest of his voice for his aunt/grandma.

All in all, with patience, reassurance and love, almost all of them start to settle down and begin immersing themselves in the new environment. One still needs his maid/mum to accompany him, but he starts playing with his friends.

Children who are brought up with lots of love and secured environment are able to settle down faster. Even if they are not able to, talking with them helps a lot. One communicates her fears with her mum. Her mum can see that her 4-year-old tries to reassure herself and tries hard to adjust herself at preschool. With the communication channel open, she is able to stay in her class without her parents.

My advice to new parents:
1) Prepare your children ahead before enrolling them. Visit the new venue. Talk to the headmistress or teacher on your children's temperamental so that teachers can understand you children better.
2) Allow your children to play in the new environment.
3) Tell your children you will always pick them up after school.
4) Always give them choices that will eventually lead to a 'Yes' answer. Eg. "You'll be going to your kindergarten. Do you want me to feed you or feed yourself?" "Do you want to walk in yourself or your teacher to accompany you?" But if you ask, "Do you want to go to your kindy?" you will know what answer you children will give to you!
5) Getting angry when they are crying makes the tensed situation more worse.
6) Children can sense your anxiety. Do not transfer to them. Feel confident yourself that your children will do well in the kindergarten, and your children will perform well.
7) Make the separation quick. Give them a strong hug, a hard kiss and leave while reassuring you will be back form them.
8) Answer your children's repetitive question patiently. "Do I need to go to school tomorrow?" Always return their questions with reassurance and a hug.

This is what we get after the first TRAUMATIC week.

Easing Prescholers' Separation Anxiety and Regressive Behavior.

A Smooth Start

When your child starts preschool, she may experience separation anxiety and regressive behavior. Child psychiatrist Joshua Sparrow explains what you can expect.

By Gail O'Connor

Joshua Sparrow is the co-author, with T. Berry Brazelton, ofTouchpoints 3 to 6.

The transition to preschool is often marked with two steps forward, one step back, as your child grows and learns in amazing ways — but at the same time, regresses in some behaviors, too. Child psychiatrist Joshua Sparrow, M.D., is an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School professor and co-author, with T. Berry Brazelton, of Touchpoints 3 to 6. He's also a former preschool teacher and gives this advice about how to ease your child's transition.

Starting preschool is a big step for many young children. What are some of the biggest challenges they face?
The most common challenge for most kids is saying goodbye to their parents, or trouble separating. For some children this may be their first time out of the home. Others may have separated before, but are now in a new, possibly more demanding situation (if they have to share the adult caregiver with a number of other children).

How can parents help soothe their children's separation anxiety?
First, they can look within for whatever ambivalence they have about leaving their child, because he will pick up on those feelings. If there's any hesitation or discomfort or doubt — which there often is; you hate to leave your child when he's unhappy about it — but if you don't feel good about where you're leaving him, or about the fact that you have to leave him, your child's going to feel, "Well, maybe this isn't really a good place or idea." The first thing you have to do to prepare your child is to prepare yourself.

How else can parents help ease the transition for their preschooler?
There are a number of things you can do to prepare your child. Prior to starting school, take your child to visit the classroom and meet the teacher. If there's a way of having a playdate with one of the other children who will be attending the preschool, that's great, because then the children can welcome each other when they begin school. You could give your child a transitional object, like a favorite blanket or teddy bear they can carry around with them all day; or even a story so the teacher can read it. And give your child lots of reassurance that "Mommy's coming back," or "Daddy's coming back."

To reinforce the idea, you can play a little game in which something disappears from sight but your child rediscovers it. Roll a ball under the couch and say, "Look, we can't see it. Do you think it's still there? Let's go look." When your child finds the ball, you can say, "See, even though we couldn't see the ball it's still there, just like Mommy when she went to work." What you're doing is reinforcing "object permanence," a concept that comes earlier (by the end of the first year) but can be threatened by the emotional challenge that separation presents.

What are some of the ways preschool helps a child grow?
For some children this may be the first time they're going into a group setting where the attention by caregivers will be divided among several children. Learning to share the relationship to the teacher will be a major new gain. Also, the child will be learning to make friends, share, take turns, and hold back on impulses, areas in which they're still making progress. Preschool will present them with more opportunities to practice these skills. They'll also have opportunities to learn about other children's feelings, and to discover the joy of being generous. It's very early, but you'll see examples where the child will say, "Do you want to play with this doll?" That's their little gift, and they're learning the internal pleasure they get out of that.

Also, at this age kids love the daily routine of preschool. They get excited about mastering the schedule — they know when storytime and snack and lunch and nap happen — and they're really thrilled with themselves. Their fantasy play becomes stronger around this age, and there are ways of being more elaborate with their imagination when other children are around. They also benefit from their peers in terms of language acquisition, and even motor development. You may start to see them climb up on a slide more readily, for instance.

When children are learning so many new things in preschool, is it likely they may regress in some other areas?
In general, whenever a child is challenged by a new developmental area, she's likely to temporarily lose ground in an area she's only recently mastered. So at age three, it might be bedwetting, because she may just have learned to stay dry through the night. It's very likely there could be more crying, more clinging, more wanting to stick close to parents, and maybe some baby talk. There could be trouble separating at bedtime, and with getting to sleep. One of the things kids are working on at that age is learning to control their feelings, which in a way, we work on our whole lives. You can expect more crying, more temper tantrums, more irritability, and more impulsiveness.

How do you know whether regression is a sign of something other than a touchpoint, in this case the transition to preschool? When do these behaviors signal something more serious?
Certainly the regression should not last more than a couple of weeks, at the most. And it shouldn't be pervasive throughout the day, for days and days. So although new preschoolers may be talking some baby talk, or they may wet the bed or have more trouble separating to go to sleep, you shouldn't see less of other normal functioning at other times of the day. And they shouldn't lose interest in playing, for example, or having playdates with other kids.

How can parents assess whether the preschool they've chosen is working for their child?
The first thing is to gauge whether the teachers understand that they're not just there to support the child, but also the parent. Do they let parents stay in the classroom for the first several days, to help the child make the adjustment? How forthcoming are they about reporting both the ups and downs of the day? Again, you would expect a child to resist going for the first several days, maybe for the first week or two. And you might also expect him to have a temper tantrum at the end of the day when he sees you. But what's really helpful is to sneak in and spot your child before she spots you. See what she's doing. If she's on the teacher's lap reading a story, or conversing and playing interactively with another child, or busily playing with something side by side with a child who's playing with something else — those are all good signs. If she is wandering around aimlessly or sitting in a corner looking sad and not being attended to, those are obviously not good signs.

Some children have emotional outbursts when their parents pick them up from preschool. Are these a cause for concern?
When your child has a temper tantrum, that does not mean that he is not doing well. It tells you that he really missed you and can finally let go and be flooded by the feelings he was trying to fight back all day long. The fact that he misses you doesn't mean preschool is not going to work for him. You can reassure your child and say, "I missed you too, and I'm eager to see you because we love each other and we have fun together."

Once regressive behaviors — like trouble separating — subside and the child appears to have successfully made the transition to preschool, can parents expect those behaviors to occasionally return?
Yes. For example, if you go away on a vacation or the preschool closes for a break, your child may experience another, shorter adjustment period. If a teacher or someone the child is close to leaves the school, you may see these behaviors again. Then there are other things of course that can cause these regressive behaviors, like developmental touchpoints, or the birth of a new sibling, or a stressful time in the parent's life. When you think about it, we all regress throughout our entire lives, whenever we do something new and challenging like move, or switch jobs, or get married. There will be things the child is working on, too.

Why Children with Hobbies Grow into Successful Adults

Hobbies Offer a Head Start!

Dan Reveal, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Apr 29, 2011 

Hobbies can be a wonderful pastime that keep children entertained for hours and hours. As long as they can drag out the box of Legos from under the bed, for example, children never have to worry about being bored.

But do hobbies only benefit people when they are children? On the contrary, there are many reasons to believe that children with hobbies grow into successful adults.

Hobbies Turn into Careers

Undoubtedly, those famous cartoon artists who've found successful adult careers started out drawing as a hobby. They are among the most fortunate and successful adults because the hobby that made them happy anyway is now earning them money.

Hobbies Allow for a Creative Outlet

Even for adults with less exciting jobs, the hobbies they had as children still come into play in making them successful.

This is because an ongoing hobby can serve as a happy distraction from a monotonous job. Because childhood hobbies allow for a creative outlet, adults can complete jobs in successful ways regardless of how routine and humdrum they might be.

Hobbies Enhance Job Interviews

Successful adulthood involves getting a good job and childhood hobbies can be a big part of this. Although childhood hobbies aren't mentioned on a resume, they still enhance an applicant's self-esteem and the good impression they are likely to make.

Sitting there during the interview, the applicant can feel the presence of the hobby. "I'm the best electric train operator in town."

Hobbies Encourage Independent Learning

Children with hobbies grow into successful adults because a child's hobby teaches them to pursue knowledge independently of adult supervision.

If the child collects stamps, for example, they will want to become an expert by reading things about stamps on their own.

Hobbies Promote the Organization of Time

People who are successful adults need to be able to organize their time wisely. This skill can be taught by childhood hobbies. Think of the child who first has to do homework before focusing on their hobby.

A successful life becomes structured around the fun activity of the hobby.

Hobbies Lead to Maturity/Delayed Gratification

Hobbies often require the delayed gratification that's linked with the maturity needed by successful adults. Just as a child might have to wait to buy an expensive new guitar string, a successful adult might have to wait for a raise or a promotion.

Children with hobbies grow into successful adults because hobbies give them a head start on those skills that are needed later in life
.

Preschool Prep: How to Prepare Your Toddler for Preschool

By

                

If your child is starting preschool this fall, you may be approaching this major milestone with conflicting emotions. You’re probably excited about all the fun (you hope) your child will have and the new friends he’ll make. At the same time, you may feel a little sad that your baby is venturing out into the big world without you. These emotions are normal. Your child is also bound to have a host of feelings about this transition, feeling proud to be a big kid but at the same time worried about being separated from you and starting something unfamiliar. 

In this resource, you'll find information on:

Fun Ways to Get Ready for Preschool

Responding to Your Child's Worries

The Preschool Countdown: What to Do and When

Saying a Good Good-Bye

Having Fun with Preschool Prep

There’s a lot you can do in the weeks before to get ready for the big day.  But try to keep your efforts low-key. If you make too big a deal out of this milestone, your child may end up being more worried than excited. Here are some ideas to keep the focus on fun.

• Use pretend play to explore the idea of preschool.  Take turns being the parent, child and teacher.  Act out common daily routines, such as saying good-bye to mommy and/or daddy, taking off your coat, singing songs, reading stories, having Circle Time, playing outside, and taking naps.  Reassure your child that preschool is a good place where he will have fun and learn. Answer his questions patiently. This helps children feel more in control which reduces their anxiety.
• Read books about preschool. There are many books about going to preschool available from the public library in your area. Choose several to share with your child over the summer before school starts. Talk about the story and how the characters are feeling. Ask how your child is feeling.
• Make a game out of practicing self-help skills like: unzipping her coat, hanging her coat on a hook, putting on her backpack, fastening her shoes.  For example, you might want to have a "race" with your child to see how quickly she can put on her shoes.  When you play school together, you can give your child the chance to practice taking off her coat, zipping her backpack closed, and sitting “criss-cross applesauce.”  If your child will be bringing lunch, pack it up one day before school starts and have a picnic together.  This will give her the chance to practice unzipping her lunch box and unwrapping her sandwich—important skills for the first day
• Play at your new preschool.  Visit your child’s preschool together. Ask when you can tour the school with your child. Play on the school playground a few times before your child starts the program. These visits increase your child’s comfort with and confidence in this new setting.

Worries and Watching

Your child may also have some questions or concerns about starting preschool, either before or after she starts in the fall.  Help her get ready with these two key strategies:

• Listen to your child’s worries. Although it’s tempting to quickly reassure your child and move on, it’s important to let your child know that his worries have been heard.  No matter what they are, big or small, children’s worries about preschool can significantly influence their experience there. Will you remember to pick her up in the afternoon? Will her teacher be nice? 

       Let your child know it’s normal to feel happy, sad, excited, scared, or   worried. Explain that starting something new can feel scary and that lots of people feel that way. It can be helpful to share a time when you started something new and how you felt. When you allow your child to share her worries, you can help her think through how to deal with them.  For example, if she is worried about missing you, the two of you can make a book of family photos to keep in her cubby and look at when she is lonely. 

• Notice nonverbal messages.  As much as 3-year-olds may talk, most are not yet able to fully explain how they are feeling or what they are worried about.  Your child may “act out” his worry by clinging, becoming withdrawn, or by being more aggressive. Another common reaction as children take a big move forward is to actually move backward in other areas. For example, if your child is fully potty trained, he may start have toileting accidents. He may ask that you feed or dress him even though he can do these things by himself.

       It is natural to be frustrated by this regressed behavior, and you may be concerned that if you do these things for him, he won’t go back to doing them himself. In fact, letting him play this out often leads to children returning to their “big kid” selves sooner. Remember that your child is facing—and managing—a big change in his life. He may need more support, nurturing, and patience from you while he makes this transition.

The Preschool Countdown: What to Do and When

The last few weeks before starting preschool seem to fly by! As you begin the countdown to the first day, here are some things to keep in mind:

During the 2 Weeks Before Preschool Starts:

• Purchase a backpack together with your child.  If possible, let your child choose it himself.  This gives him a sense of control and emphasizes the fact that he is a "big kid" starting preschool.
• Label all items—backpack, jacket, shoes, blanket, teddy bear, etc.—with your child’s name and teacher’s name in permanent ink.
• Contact the preschool’s health professional if your child has medication that he or she takes on a daily basis. There will be special rules and forms to fill out for your child to receive medication at school.
• Figure out how your child will get to school and how she will come home. Talk to your child about the morning and afternoon routine so that she understands that she will be safe, okay, and cared for.  Make sure your child meets her before- and/or after-school caregiver, if you are using one.
• Start using your child’s “school bedtime.” Children often go to bed later as the summer months, and longer days, kick in. Help your child get into a preschool schedule by keeping to his or her school bedtime, beginning about 2 weeks before school starts.

The Night Before Preschool

• Answer any last-minute questions from your child.
• Let your child choose (weather- and school-appropriate) clothes for her first day.Make sure that your child goes to bed on time.
• Pick a bedtime that gives your child a good night’s rest before his or her first day. Keep the bedtime routine soothing and relaxing. Don’t focus too much (or at all!) on the first day of school unless she wants to.

The First Day

• Wake up early enough so that you and your child don’t have to rush to get to preschool.
• Make breakfast for your child and, if possible, sit down to eat together—or at least talk with her as she eats and you get ready.
• Review the day’s routine (what preschool will be like, how your child will get to school/come home).
• Pack your child’s backpack together. If your child is bringing lunch, select foods that you know are his favorites. Having some familiarity on his first day is helpful as he adjusts to so many changes.
• Let your child choose a special stuffed animal or blanket to bring to school with her. These “loveys” can help children make the transition from home to school, and can also make naptime easier, too. You may want to send your child with a family photo or favorite book as well. These familiar objects can help if she feels lonely during the day.

Saying a Good Good-Bye

These strategies can ease the jitters of separating on your child’s first day at preschool.

• Plan to stay a little while.  Staying for 1530 minutes on that first morning can help ease the transition.. Together, the two of you can explore the classroom, meet some other children, play with a few toys. When you see that your child is comfortable, it is time to leave. If he is having a harder time getting engaged, you may want to ask your child’s teacher to stay with your child as you say good-bye so that when you leave, he can turn to another caring adult for support.
• Keep your tone positive and upbeat. Children pick up on the reactions of the trusted adults in their lives. So try not to look worried or sad, and don’t linger too long. Say a quick, upbeat good-bye and reassure your child that all will be well.
• Think about creating a special good-bye routine. For example, you can give your child a kiss on his or her palm to “hold” all day long.  Or, the two of you can sing a special song together before you leave. Good-bye routines are comforting to children and help them understand and prepare for what will happen next. 
• Resist the rescue.  Try not to run back in the classroom if you hear your child crying, as upsetting as this can be. This is a big change and your child may, quite understandably, feel sad and a little scared.  But if you run back in, it sends the message that he is only okay if you are there and it is likely to prolong your child’s distress and make it harder for him to adapt. Rest assured, teachers have many years of experience with helping families make the shift to preschool. Instead, you can wait outside the classroom for a few minutes to ensure that all is well, or call the school later in the morning to check-in.