How to Calm and Comfort Children (3 to 4)

3 to 4 "MY DOGGY NEEDS IT!" by Susan A. Miller, Ed.D.

1) Support Fantasy Play

When the world surrounding most preschoolers seems just too overwhelming, they frequently turn to play and fantasy to feel in control. Although a number of preschoolers take comfort in relating to their invisible companions, others prefer to hold favorite toys to feel calm and soothe themselves during stressful times.

2) Introduce Rituals

To soothe and calm his sick doggy, Joseph relies on imitating rituals that are comforting to him. This is why it is so important for preschoolers to have special personal rituals to help them comfortably make transitions throughout the day, like blowing goodbye kisses to dad at the window at school in the morning. Many fours still find it a comforting ritual to suck their thumbs or hug a security blanket at naptime.

3) Provide Calming Activities

Unless they are very tired or hungry, most 3-year-olds are fairly relaxed. However, older, noisier fours sometimes need to be involved in activities designed to calm them down. Symbolic activities, where children are able to create meaningful order and gain control out of disorganization, such as putting a puzzle together or sorting items into categories, can have a calming effect. Some children become calmer as they squeeze and roll clay, pour water into bottles, or listen to quiet music on a headset. Others may relax by getting rid of excess energy or their frustrations through gross motor activities.

3) Offer Regular Routines

Three-year-olds really appreciate consistency in their school day. For instance, they find it comforting to be able to anticipate that each day snack is served after outdoor playtime. Familiar routines also help young children feel secure about the time they are separated from their parents as they come to understand they can count on daddy picking them up right after storytime. This reinforces object permanence for young children, who still need reassurance during the first few weeks of school that even though they can't see the people they love, like Daddy and Mommy, they will return for them.

4) Create a Comforting Environment

Jean Piaget explained how preschoolers relate best through concrete, hands-on experiences and the use of their senses. Using some of the cool, restful colors (blue, green, violet) in areas of the classroom where young children are involved in quiet activities helps to induce peacefulness. Using natural lighting, rather than an overabundance of fluorescent lighting, has been shown to have a more calming effect on young children. Uncomfortable exterior noise (loud ventilation, noisy traffic sounds) can be stressful and overstimulating for threes and fours. Preschoolers feel calmer when teachers speak in quiet tones and have opportunities to listen to soothing music.

Design some small areas where young children can retreat and feel calm. Quiet writing alcoves, a cozy bean-bag chair for reading, or a snug "cave" made from a towel and a low table provide for comfortable private areas. Providing a "calm-down corner" where angry or frustrated preschoolers can go to gain control and feel secure is helpful. Offering props and visual boundaries, like trays for fingerpainting, individual carpet squares to sit on during storytime, or "bubble spaces" to dance within during movement activities, provide comfortable personal spaces for children.

5) Bring in the Familiar

Young children find familiar smells to be very comforting and pleasant. If a preschooler is having a separation problem, her mom might wish to leave a perfumed scarf that "smells like mommy" in her child's cubby as a special item to hold and sniff.

Special comfort foods play a role in calming an upset preschooler. My 4-year-old grandson, Adam, always feels much better while sucking on his favorite tangerine juice pop and being cuddled in my lap.

6) Enlist the Help of Others

And older Damia comforting and guiding Eric

Preschoolers have great faith in an adult's power to "make it all better." By the time they are 4, and not as egocentric, an empathetic good friend or older sibling may be able to soothe an agitated preschooler.